Closed end: 11 March 2019

The Generalized Occupational Aptitude Test (G.O.A.T.) is the IOPS occupational assessment test that every member of IOPS is required to take. During the tutorial quest…

 

1 // You are approached by a frenzied IOPS intellectual, who yells, "I'm going to put my quantum harmonizer in your photonic resonation chamber!" What's your response?

"But doctor, wouldn't that cause a parabolic destabilization of the fission singularity?" (0)

"Yeah? Up yours too, buddy!" (0)

Say nothing, grab a nearby pipe and hit the intellectual in the head to knock him out. For all you knew, he was planning to blow up the spot. (0)

Say nothing, but slip away before the intellectual can continue his rant. (0)

Total: 0

2 // While working as an intern @ www.iopsoiety.org, a member with a strange infection on his stinkfoot stumbles through the door. The infection is spreading at an alarming rate, but the doctor has stepped out for a while. What do you do?

Amputate the stinkfoot before the infection spreads (0)

Scream for help (0)

Medicate the infected area to the best of your abilities (0)

Restrain the patient, and merely observe as the infection spreads (0)

Total: 0

3 // You discover a young IOPS member lost in the upper levels of the website. He's hungry and frightened, but also appears to be in possession of stolen property. What do you do?

Give the boy a hug and tell him everything will be okay (0)

Confiscate the property by force, and leave him there as punishment (0)

Take the stolen property for yourself, and leave the boy to his fate (0)

Lead the boy to safety, then turn him over to the overseer (0)

Total: 0

4 // Congratulations! You made one of IOPS's baseball teams! Which position do you prefer?

Pitcher (0)

Catcher (0)

Designated Hitter (0)

None, you wish the vault had a soccer team (0)

Total: 0

5 // An IOPS member invites you to tea, but you're surprised when he/she gives you a banana and orders you to stab another IOPS member. What do you do?

Obey(!) the elder and stab the IOPS member with the banana. (0)

Offer your most prized possession for the member's mental health. (0)

Call shotgun* instead. After all, you don't want to miss. (0)

Peel the banana and eat it. (0)

Total: 0

6 // Old Maestrix Freewoman has locked herself in her quarters again, and you've been ordered(!) to get her out. How do you proceed?

Use a bobby pin to pick the lock on the door. (0)

Trade a hoodlum for his banana bomb and blow open the lock. (0)

Go to the armory, retrieve the golden AK-47, and wreak havoc. (0)

Walk away, and let the old coot rot. (0)

Total: 0

7 // Oh, no! You've been exposed to SLIME*, and a mutated head has grown out of your chest! What's the best course of treatment?

A bullet to the brain (0)

Large doses of anti-mutagen agent (0)

Prayer. Maybe God will spare you in exchange for a life of pious devotion. (0)

Removal of the mutated tissue with a precision tool* (0)

Total: 0

8 // A fellow IOPS member is in possession of a "Lucille the Baseball Bat" comic book, issue number #19. You want it. What's the best way to obtain it?

Trade the comic book for one of your own valuable possessions (0)

Steal the comic book at gunpoint (0)

Sneak into the member's quarters, and steal the comic book from his desk (0)

Slip some knock out drops into the member's Pepsi, and take the comic book when he's unconscious. (0)

Total: 0

9 // You decide it would be fun to play a prank on another member. You enter his/her private restroom when no one is looking, and....

Loosen some bolts on some pipes. When the sink is turned on, the room will flood. (0)

Put a firecracker in the toilet. That's sure to cause some chaos (0)

Break into the locked medicine cabinet and replace his/her high blood pressure medication with sugar pills (0)

Manipulate the power wattage on his/her razor, so he/she'll get an electric shock next time he/she shaves (0)

Total: 0

10 // Who is indisputably the most important person @ www.iopsociety.org: He/she who shelters us from the harshness of the virtual wasteland, and to whom we owe everything we have, including our virtual lives?

The Overseer (0)

The Overseer (0)

The Overseer (0)

The Overseer (0)

Total: 0

A // Would you like to be an IOPS Chaplain?

YES (0)

NO (0)

MAYBE (0)

Total: 0

B // Would you like to be an IOPS Laundry Cannon Operator?

YES (0)

NO (0)

MAYBE (0)

Total: 0

C // Would you like to be an IOPS Pedicurist?

YES (0)

NO (0)

MAYBE (0)

Total: 0

D // Would you like to be an IOPS Waste Management Specialist?

YES (0)

NO (0)

MAYBE (0)

Total: 0

E // Would you like to be an IOPS Loyalty Inspector?

YES (0)

NO (0)

MAYBE (0)

Total: 0

F // Would you like to be a Clinical Test Subject?

YES (0)

NO (0)

MAYBE (0)

Total: 0

G // Would you like to be an IOPS Fry Cook?

YES (0)

NO (0)

MAYBE (0)

Total: 0

H // Would you like to be an IOPS Jukebox Technician?

YES (0)

NO (0)

MAYBE (0)

Total: 0

I // Would you like to be an IOPS Code Monkey?

YES (0)

NO (0)

MAYBE (0)

Total: 0

J // Would you like to be an IOPS Tatau Artist?

YES (0)

NO (0)

MAYBE (0)

Total: 0

K // Would you like to be an IOPS Shift Supervisor?

YES (0)

NO (0)

MAYBE (0)

Total: 0

L // Would you like to be an IOPS Marriage Counselor?

YES (0)

NO (0)

MAYBE (0)

Total: 0

M // Would you like to be an IOPS Little League Coach?

YES (0)

NO (0)

MAYBE (0)

Total: 0

N // Would you like to be an IOPS Masseur/Masseuse?

YES (0)

NO (0)

MAYBE (0)

Total: 0

O // Would you like to be an IOPS Money Burner?

YES (0)

NO (0)

MAYBE (0)

Total: 0

P // Other IOPS careers:

(P1) IOPS Hairdresser/Barbier (0)

(P2) IOPS Engineer (0)

(P3) IOPS Teacher (0)

(PX) IOPS Security Guard (0)

Total: 0

Total Number of Voters: 0